Introduction
One of the developmental tasks of all adolescents is to create productive relationships with their peer group and to understand and carry on their sexuality. Dating provides fertile training ground for these teens for learning about themselves and how to create and assert wholesome intimate relationships as they continue to mature and grow. Due to growing up in a homophobic society, most gay men as teenagers had to keep their sexualities secret for fear of communal backlash and additional damage to their already shaky self-images. Some boys chose to length themselves wholly from dating, while others chose to date their female peers to more literally "fit in" and be accepted. For some, there was no other selection for them but to date girls, while for others it was an effort to extinguish their feelings they had for males. Very few gay men had the luxury of being able to openly date other gay males as teenagers and to live authentically. Fortunately, today's generation of gay youth are experiencing slightly more liberal attitudes and acceptance from their peer group about being gay, but there's still a long way to go. As a result, many gay men as adults remain perplexed and confused about how to date other men. Without training, education, and support, many gay men are forced to "wing it" as they mingle and mate with other men, leaving many of them unsatisfied with their dating experiences and wondering if they'll ever find a loving partner to rule down with.
Dating Guides
What follows is a tips list of things for gay men to keep in mind as they go about meeting other men in pursuance of their Mr. Right. Add your own to the list and keep it handy as a quick-reference guide as you embark upon your dating adventures to promote greater success in your romantic life.
Dating Success Tips
1. Live your life to the max! Creating a full life puts you in payment of your own happiness and puts less emphasis and dependency on finding a relationship to make you whole. You must be whole as a someone first before a wholesome relationship can be cultivated. By developing yourself, those internal feelings of zest and fulfillment will show on the surface as well. Very sharp indeed!
2. Know who you are, what your needs and values are, and what you stand for. This will take you far as you delve straight through the dating world. Having a clear vision and purpose will help to keep you centered and grounded on your quest.
3. study your relationship history and rule what behaviors worked for you and which ones didn't. Recognize the obstacles that preclude you from sharp in the kinds of relationships that you want.
4. Don't confuse chemistry with compatibility. While that "chemical spark" is important, a person's enduring qualities are what literally help to lay the foundation for potential long-term relationship success.
5. rule if you are literally ready for a relationship and compare your true motives. One of the biggest relationship "sabotagers" is not being able to be fully present, being distracted by other needs or issues, and having other priorities that compete with the relationship. rule if you are "dateable" and create goals to accomplish true relationship readiness. create your self-esteem and originate a vision for how you'd like your life to be.
6. Don't stay in a dating relationship that's not working just for the sake of staving off loneliness or fearing hurting the other's feelings. This only robs both of you of high-priced time that could be great served improving your capability of life in new directions. Learn to be assertive and direct with your needs and feelings.
7. Don't bail out of a dating relationship at the first sign of trouble. Relationships take hard work and friction is literally a indispensable precursor to deeper relationship and intimacy. compare what's missing and what the barriers are and rule if negotiation is possible. There can be no increase without wholesome conflict; however, know the disagreement in the middle of that and when the relationship literally isn't a "goodness of fit."
8. Be proactive in getting what you want and take accountability for what happens. Conquer your anxieties about taking initiative. Don't stand on the sidelines hoping someone will make contact with you. Make that move yourself and select to coming someone if you're interested. Internalize the mantra: No More Missed Opportunities!
9. Face your fears of rejection directly. A turn-down for a date has nothing to do with you as a person; it has all things to do with the other person's projections and needs. Know that you are worthy and deserving.
10. Build your withhold network. Surround yourself with positive citizen who will affirm you and withhold you. Family and friends provide a much needed source of connection, love, and fun that can truly heighten your life as a single gay man.
11. Be faithful of casual sexual encounters if your goal is to meet a prospective life partner. Typically sexual issue is the primary aim of such encounters, which can confuse and disillusion you to the type of men available, believing that gay men only want sex and nothing more indispensable or with depth. Put yourself in situations where you are more likely to meet men with similar goals and if you select to "play along the way," all the time custom responsible safe sex.
©2004 Brian L. Rzepczynski
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11 Dating Success Tips For singular Gay Men
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